Mad World
by SimplyIndefinable1992
Summary: Kagome's thoughts before graduation, just before going back to the feudal era. The song is Mad World, the Gary Jules version.


I own nothing. Enough said.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

She lay on the bed, inert, the lights were off, and her radio was playing, the volume just barely loud enough for her to hear.

All in all, it was a slow, but comfortable atmosphere, and it was for that reason why she couldn't stand it. But as restless as she was, she could do nothing but surrender to the throes of the easygoing pace of the late weekend afternoon.

Kagome sighed and turned over for the umpteenth time.

'It's like I don't know what to do with myself anymore…'

Sighing once more, she turned over again.

'It's official, I am going to drive myself insane.'

She had tried to maybe just go to sleep early, but the oblivion of sleep proved to be more elusive than Naraku had ever been.

'No, Kagome, don't you dare start thinking about that!'

She forced herself to focus on the music coming from the radio.

She sighed again.

'Yay, another type of torture, oh goody', she thought sarcastically. She used to like all varieties of music, but what she was listening to currently clashed incredibly with her own somber mood. For this reason she seldom listened to any music, as the usual topics of relationships, love, etc. were enough to send her through a wave of despair that lasted days.

So why was it on now?

It was one of those combinations of 'I don't know' and 'I just felt like it'. She was already regretting her decision and was contemplating turning it off when a new song started playing.

_All around me are familiar faces  
worn out places  
worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races  
going nowhere  
going nowhere…  
_  
'How true', she thought. Her life felt almost like a broken record, and the constant repetition was driving her closer to madness on each turn.

_The tears are filling up their glasses  
no expression  
no expression  
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
no tomorrow  
no tomorrow…  
And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
the dreams in which I'm dying  
__Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
when people run in circles  
it's a very, very  
Mad world  
mad world...  
_  
There was really nothing she looked forward to. It was the same routine everyday, every week, every month, every year, every decade, every century…

Kagome giggled quietly in spite of herself.

'Melodramatic much?'

Along with the ever present monotony, came the feeling that she was somehow out of place, that she was supposed to be somewhere else or whatever. And it never went away, but became stronger whenever she was at school or with friends. In public or anywhere really, it was the same even while around her family, Kagome had to wear her poker face in order to prevent conveying what she really felt inside, but then again, doesn't everybody?

Another sigh.

The point is she felt like she really didn't belong here. But what did here mean? And where did she think she should be instead? Kagome knew that answer, but it was for the best that she didn't acknowledge it.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good_

'Oh, I think that just about everyone is waiting for that day.'

_Happy birthday  
happy birthday…  
Made to feel the way that every child should  
sit and listen  
sit and listen…  
Went to school  
and I was very nervous  
no one knew me  
no one knew me...  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
look right through me  
__look right through me…_

School. It was ending soon, but she didn't feel the least bit excited about it. Relief? Yes. Excitement? No.

College was to be the beginning of the rest of her life, but she couldn't help feeling that she had her beginning in the past…

'Dangerous line of thought, Kagome.' Too late. The memories played like a film in her mind: her time in Sengoku Jidai, the good, the bad, her friends, her love…

Her attempts to will the images away were in vain, and she could feel the sadness and the loss beginning to overwhelm her. Her heart was breaking all over again.

_I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
the dreams in which I'm dying  
are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very  
Mad world  
mad world  
Enlarge your world  
mad world…_

Kagome turned off the radio, tears slowing making their way down her cheeks. It didn't matter what the genre was, or the lyrics, or anything, just about any song would somehow send her over the edge that she was so desperately clinging to. She couldn't fully blame music though, even after- how long has it been?

Oh right, about three years, and still just about anything could be a trigger, a reminder of the past, it was just a matter of whether she was alone and had the time to reminisce. She knew she had to make a life for herself in this era, but it was hard envisioning it without him…Inuyasha.

'Oh god, Kagome, you're a glutton for punishment'. Kagome had learned a long time ago that forgetting was not an option, but not thinking about it was the next best thing. Sometimes in spite of her better judgment she would think about it, because as much as it pained her that she would never see them, him again, it also brought her joy.

Even if she could never go back, the memories, as much they hurt now, it was something.

She turned over again and sighed.

Graduation was in two days. She had no idea what she was going to do after, college was a given of course, as she had managed to get accepted into a pretty decent one. But she just couldn't see herself in college.

Yawning, she just dismissed that and her lack of anticipation as nerves.

'No need to rush the future, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it', she thought as she finally drifted off into that blissful peace she had been seeking.

* * *

A/N: This idea just popped up, and once I started I couldn't stop, lol. Hopefully I've improved since the last one, so feedback would be awesome, so please review. ^_^

~SimplyIndefinable1992


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